Can we do a couple of good/bad song comparisons? We can! Thanks for letting me go here. I tried to do fifty of these, but my first post was of 5 good/bads, and Weebly butchered it. I lost a bunch of work with that software snafu, and it kind of took my heart out of it. But I had some other stuff already in the works, and so I’m just going to drop them on you as I think about them. Here’s a couple of selections chosen just for you.
Awful Alcohol Song: Escape (The Pina Colada Song), Rupert Holmes
Good Alcohol Song: Tequila, The Champs
Yeah, it’s a weird place to start for a guy who doesn’t drink anymore. But I used to drink, and I’ll betcha that I’m still many drinks ahead of you even after 5 years of sobriety. And I just heard that Escape song a bit ago, and the bile built up so much that I had to do something before I turned back to drink, haha.
Let’s go awful here first. Rupert Holmes, whoever the hell he is, sang a song about a couple who break up. They then each write a personals ad looking for a new lover. And lo and behold, they answer each other’s ads and rediscover each other. Awww, isn’t that sweet? I didn’t know cheese was used in Pina Coladas, but Rupert ruined Pina Coladas for me forever. Well, that and the fact that I don’t like coconut and don’t drink alcohol anymore, but hey, I’m still blaming Rupert. The song is stupid – if you couldn’t make it work the first time what makes you think a pina colada will solve the problem - but it also has an earworm quality found in only the absolute worst songs. And it was heavily played – you can still hear it from time to time, like I just did, and invariably, one of your friends will say “I love this song.” Two things on that: if this is your friend’s first mistake, ok, so be it, but if they are otherwise musical nitwits, defriend them. Second, be careful, because if you do hear this song, you are going to quickly steer the car toward that cliff that Thelma and Louise used to deadly effect.
Whew. That was ugly. Now, for a good alcohol song, how about Tequila? Everyone knows it, and after one listen, everyone has memorized all of its lyrics. You can dance to it. It’s not cheesy, nor does it contain coconut. And you can sign it drunk because you know all the words! Of course, there are other good alcohol songs, such as Beer by Reel Big Fish (or Snortin’ Whiskey by Pat Travers, but that one actually gets drugs in, too). And when I did drink, I was a beer guy, not a tequila guy. But Tequila the song is just fun, bouncy and cool. It’s my antidote to Rupert Holmes.
Good Teenage Song: Teenage Kicks, The Undertones
Awful Teenage Song: 17, Janis Ian
Rock has always had a strong youthful bent to it, and there are bands that have explored the teen/first love/growing up stuff to very great effect. Those are all terrible, wonderful, mysterious and difficult years, and some of the scars are still there years later. Even if you aren’t a teenager, you might still act like one, and great teen songs can bring you back. Listen to Fun Fun Fun by the Beach Boys, and if you aren’t transformed back into a youthful, carefree, somewhat rebellious youth, well, you have no soul.
On this one, I have to start with the good. The Undertones are the best punk/new wave band that no one has heard of. They featured Feargal Sharkey on vocals, and his voice is one that works, but is unlike any other in rock. This song has a great guitar sound, was the favorite of BBC DJ John Peel (a man who knew his punk and new wave), and was voted the second best “indie” song of all time. Its lyrics sum up teen love, angst and horniness better than any out there. Listen and you will find clairvoyance.
And then there is 17. It’s a folk song, never a good thing here at BRP. It’s whiny. It’s condemning of everyone out there except for the vocalist. Hey, if you can’t get no lovin’, try fixing your own house before you start throwing rocks at those of your neighbors. And it’s an earworm. Eric Cartman of South Park should sing this song. It should be a parody, and then maybe people might like it better. But, unfortunately, it’s not a parody. The one thing that you can say about this song is that it beat out a ton of other bad teen songs for the worst of the worst here at BRP. That’s quite an honor.
Good Supertramp Song: None
Awful Supertramp Song: All
Did you think that I hate Supertramp? Well, hate is a very strong word and I use it sparingly. But, now that I think about it, yes, I HATE Supertramp. There is not one Supertramp song that I can truthfully say that I like. In this instance, I despise their entire catalog. They epitomize everything that is typical of bad rock: cloying songs; annoying lead vocals; too much acoustic guitar; grandiosity; stupid lyrics; and lack of pop snap. I’m not in favor of burning books but I am in favor of burning Supertramp albums. Look this up: the international court of justice in the Hague charged Supertramp with crimes against humanity after listening to Take The Long Way Home two times in a row. The worst thing about the digital revolution is that these songs are now preserved for eternity. Who says there isn’t a hell? Here it is, and welcome to it:
That does it for now. I have a lot of stuff that I've been working on, and a lot of shows coming up. Fall is going to be smoking hot here, so check back often and don't miss a thing. If you like what you see here, tell your friends. If you don't like it, tell your enemies. Just flap those gums, ok? See you soon, my friend.
My name is Bill, and I live in the greater Philadelphia area. I love music, and I have a lot of opinions. This site is primarily focused on music, but sometimes I get off track. I hope you enjoy.