I'm sure that you have read many times in self-help books and personal finance magazines that when opportunities present themselves, you need to seize them. Carpe diem! Go for it! Take a leap of faith and hope for the best! Nothing ventured, nothing gained! Schlitz beer, an unfortunate brand that once was huge but was squandered by people who apparently went on to work for Sears, used to say that you only go around once in life so you need to grab the gusto.
I did not grab the gusto, and probably missed a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity this past weekend.
Here's what happened. I was at a Salvation Army store in the Philly 'burbs on Saturday. Please don't ask why. I kind of dig thrift stores, and we were in the neighborhood. Plus, I needed a new work wardrobe, preferably one that smelled of old dog. Notwithstanding why I was there, I found myself poking around doing my best Napoleon Dynamite, looking for that dance tape that will lead to infamy and a t-shirt that says "Vote for Pablo." I didn't find the dance tape, but I did find a book by Bill Bryson, who I think is very funny, and I bought it for less than $1.
But that was an opportunity grabbed. As I continued to browse the used shoes and stained ties, I stumbled upon something intriguing. I held in my hands something amazing, but, alas, decided not to partake. Am I kicking myself? Well, no. But, maybe, yes. You see, what I found, for a mere $2.97, was the complete discography of none other than the Captain and Tennille.
Take a look:
If you look at the packaging, you will see that it's a 6 CD collection and it's unopened. It includes all of their recorded output from 1975-1980, a time period when C&T tormented my late teen years with all kinds of sappy songs that females of the era seemed to enjoy. Check out those songs: they include my all-time favorite "Muskrat Love!"
The boxed set probably comes in at about a dime per song, which, if they were good, would be a huge bargain, but since they are terrible equates to setting your $2.97 on fire.
Goodwill has them priced to sell, but still, no one wants them. It's a damn shame ... that they wasted good plastic and aluminum to make these CDs. What I should have done was bought the boxed set and very sincerely gifted them to someone I secretly detest. Or bought them and played them very loud outside on my back patio while the neighbors are having a cookout, and I'm inside with the windows closed. Or simply bought them and did a Jimi Hendrix-like funeral pyre on them so that no living soul would ever have to hear them.
I didn't buy them. Instead, I left them with an RFD tag so that I could track the poor soul who purchased them thinking "hey, these two were big back in the day." I would like to find that person and have them institutionalized to protect decent society from the likes of them. True, they were big back in the day, but they sucked. Let's not forget that.
Remember that while "Love Will Keep Us Together" was saturating tsunamis of radio airwaves, good bands like the Ramones, Clash, Jam and XTC couldn't get any radio airplay whatsoever. Bands that mattered, that produced music that people still want to hear, and that influenced many groups that followed, were ignored in favor of "Muskrat Love." Even C&T must have been unhappy about that, and here's the picture to prove it:
If you want to go get the boxed set, I'm damn sure it's still sitting in the back of the Goodwill store, and still priced at $2.97. I won't tell if you buy it. Unless, that is, I see you do it, in which case your face will look every bit as happy as the cover of "Happy Together." Hahaha, that's a joke. Sort of.
OK, gang, that's it for my missed opportunity. I'll try better to seize the day next time. In the meantime, you have a great day and if you see any muskrats, give 'em some love.
My name is Bill, and I live in the greater Philadelphia area. I love music, and I have a lot of opinions. This site is primarily focused on music, but sometimes I get off track. I hope you enjoy.