What do you think of this?  It clearly fits the “rock” theme of this blog, albeit in a way different from most of my content.  This car is “parked” outside of the Hirshhorn Museum in DC, and is … art.  Well, someone’s vision of art to be sure.  Maybe one of these days I’ll riff on what I think is art and what I think is a scam traveling under the rubric.  And maybe that day is today, at least partially.

I still remember being in the Pompidou Museum in Paris, which is a very ugly and famous museum of contemporary art (as if you didn’t know!  You’re a BRP reader, smart as hell, educated, sophisticated, and well-traveled.  But did you know that the word “condescending” means talking down to people?  OK, back to the blog).  Now, I like a lot of contemporary art, but some is, what is the word I’m looking for?  Oh that’s it, fraud that sucks.  

Anyway, I’m in Paris, quit distracting me, and they had an exhibition that included an art installation made up of various “rooms.”  As you wandered from room to room, you were treated to a different little something in each room that the artist had installed, like a pile of coiled rope in a corner.  After moving through the exhibit, I went back and started watching the very serious art patrons of all nationalities study and analyze it so closely and solemnly.  I became deeply amused at the gullibility of people.  It was crap, and don’t tell me that because this artist did it first, that somehow it transcends being just like a pile of rope in my garage.  Excuse me, you’re sticking with that story?  Ok, 5 minute break while I go to the restroom to barf up my lunch.

Phew, I’m back, and yes, I did brush my teeth.  Where were we?  Oh yes, art.  Here is some of the stuff I saw at the Hirshhorn – check it out and let me know what you think.  This is the best stuff, by the way.  The lips were interesting because they were actually part of a video projected on a huge screen.  And they talked – what about, I have no idea.  I lasted maybe 5 minutes before it was time to move on.  Regardless, while I somewhat enjoyed the exhibit, the strongest memory I have of it is of being in a pretty crowded space with a lot of different people. 

I had forgotten that, yes, while most, nay the vast majority, of people take personal hygiene as seriously as you and I, there is still a noticeable and prevalent minority who view soap and water as optional.  One dude sidled up by me, and I swear to God I thought he had taken a dump in his pants.  I’m not kidding you, I gagged right then and there.  And not just some little stifled thing, but a big time “whoa, I’m gonna puke” kind of gag.  Yup, I got some stares from the sophisticated art types at the dopey Hokie with the sensitive snout.  Oops, pardon me, i might not be as sophisticated as you, but I do wipe my ass and wash up.

Well, I didn’t expect this post to go from a car with a rock smashed on it posing as art to rapping about a dude who crapped himself, and was so proud of that situation that he decided to parade around DC with a turd in his drawers all day.  But that just goes to show you:  you came to this blog to read my shit, and this time, you really got to do it.

And with that, be clean, use that Charmin ultra soft (the official TP of BRP – one of life’s true luxuries), and be careful of parking your car outside the Hirshhorn lest you end up thinking about some guy who crapped his pants.  Flush!

Hey, welcome back you, where the heck have you been?  I’ve been right here waiting for you, and man, am I glad you are back.  In fact, I was hoping, shhh, keep it down, that you might help me, you know, bust out of this place.  Are you in?  My accomplice?  Yes, I knew I could count on you.  Let’s get out of here and go to … Guitar Center.

Do you know this store?  Recently, I was out at what is called my Favorite Shopping Center (FSC) by my family.  Costco is my favorite store, but they are stand alone and not in “centers” per se.  Anyway, I’m at FSC, which is the big box store hangout near Plymouth Meeting off of the Blue Route and Chemical Road, and I decided not to accompany my companion into Ulta.  I was already stocked up on makeup and perfume.  Plus, you see, I spied a Guitar Center across the parking lot.  I had never been in one of these stores, but have seen it many times at FSC, and I was curious.  Off I went.

Now, as much as I love the guitar, I have no musical abilities myself.  (I do look super cool with a guitar slung in front of my body, mind you, but that about covers it for me and guitars.)  So I’m a bit intimidated heading into the place because I figured some sales dude with the as-yet unknown guitar chops of Jack White is going to spot me and embarrass me about 10 seconds after I walk in.  Well, I shouldn’t have been so concerned because I learned that I give off the “I can’t play a damn thing on any instrument, don’t waste your time on me” vibe so strong that no one, and I mean no one, came close to me.

But the place was cool.  Yes, they have lots of guitars in there, which is I guess why they ingeniously named the place Guitar Center.  And I learned that some of those puppies cost some serious bucks.  Take a look at these pictures of walls of guitars and understand that I didn’t get them all – they have walls like this for electrics, basses, acoustics, and sitars.  No, not sitars, but all of the others, I promise. 

And then there is a ton of other stuff.  Drums?  You betcha, lots of them.  Kick drums, tom toms, snares, floor toms, the whole shebang.  An entire room devoted just to cymbals, and if you think guitars are expensive, and they are, those cymbal bad boys will set you back, let me tell you.  Here are the cymbals.

 
Synthesizers?  Yes, many of them with all kinds of switches and slides that produce all kinds of cool sounds that resulted in things like A Flock of Seagulls entire catalog.  (Did throw up just come up your throat?  I’m sorry about that, but just to let you in on a secret – you weren’t alone).  Check out this picture of  A Flock of Seagulls, hahahaha:

What about DJ equipment?  Yes, an amazing amount, including light gear and other things that make you think, hmmm, I could be like Avicii and make millions and tour the world and I don’t even have to know how to play an instrument!  The lazy man’s route to rock stardom!  Whoa, stop, back to reality, that stuff costs serious money and Avicii actually has talent unlike, say, me.

What else did they have?  Lots and lots of sheet music.  They had rock stuff, like the Ramones, which was basically the same three chords played differently throughout the entire book.  They had pop stuff, such as Michael Jackson and the like.  And they had stuff that sucks, like Supertramp’s songbook.  But that was in the bathroom and used in lieu of Charmin ultra soft, proving that the dudes at Guitar Center truly are freakin’ cool and smart.  Anyway, they had a lot of sheet music.

Wow, I really admire your stamina.  Thanks for reading this far about me killing 20 minutes at FSC avoiding Ulta.  You are truly amazing, and I’m going to invite you to my first DJ gig (complete with light show) shortly. 

I’ll be back to the real music shortly.  I promise.  Until we meet again, remember, you always have a home at BRP.  It’s in the cloud. 

Hey, check out these pictures.  They were taken on February 25, 2017 in Washington, DC.  Amazing – look at the blooms!  It’s February for heaven’s sake!  I have a couple of thoughts, of course.

First, while a few of these pictures are pedestrian, I kinda like the ones of the Washington Monument and the tower of the Smithsonian Castle building.  Pretty badass photography, right?  Yeah, sure, except for those dudes who strolled into the picture right when I snapped and who I didn't notice until about 5 minutes ago.  Anyway, I like them and I hope you do, too. 

Next, let’s get the global warming thing right out here because the Washington Post surely did.  Is the Earth warming?  For sure, has been for the last 10,000 years or so since the last Ice Age receded.  I think that’s a good thing generally as humans seem to do better in warmer climates than colder ones.  Now, is springtime in February a sign of climate apocalypse?  Hell if I know, but damn, it was just a beautiful day out and can’t we enjoy it without some climate scold trying to make us feel guilty about it?  I mean, c’mon, it’s 70 degrees in February!  Yay!! 

OK, that’s it, I’m off of my soapbox.  Oh, but speaking of soapboxes, I was lucky enough to have to go to London on business recently, and stayed at a hotel right by the Speaker’s Corner in Hyde Park.  At that location, if you want to do your blog orally, you truly stand on a soapbox (or some type of box – mine would be a container used to store ice cream) and spout off on whatever you want to talk about.  And people actually come to see and hear you.  It truly is oral blogging.

Anyway, I had a few extra hours between meetings to check out the London scene.  Yeah, baby!  We did lots of cool things, but I have a nose for finding cheesy stuff, and I located it at Harrod’s, the venerable London department store owned by Arabs selling a lot of beautifully overpriced stuff to tourists from all corners of the globe.  Anyway, they have this, well, shrine, to the late Princess Diana and her beau, Dodi Whateverhislastnameis, you know, the boyfriend who died with her while fleeing the true scourge of humanity, the paparazzi.  (You wouldn’t believe how much they hound rock bloggers – it’s truly unfortunate).

So I took some pictures.  I then backed them up on Google Photos.  But guess what?  Here they sit on my phone but I can’t seem to be able to get them to load on my Weebly blog as they aren’t jpegs.  So I’ll describe them instead, and see if you properly get the, well, picture. 

One is of a life-sized bronze statue of Diana and Dodi (from now on, Double D) dancing with each other.  Say what?  Yup, it’s right there in Harrod’s under an escalator in a sort of “what do we do with this space” area.  And it looks like they had just finished their ballroom dancing class because they weren’t doing the pogo or the patented BRP move of grabbing an ear with one hand, a foot with the other, and jerking that leg up and down all the while jamming around the dance floor looking like the coolest MF that ever walked the face of God’s green Earth.  Well, this statue made me laugh out loud, just like you would do if you ever saw me do the patented BRP dance move.

Onward to more Double D shrine stuff.  The other picture captures a marble alter of sorts which is sitting on a big elevated base of more marble about 12 inches high.  On the alter are two candles at either end in big holders that my Mom would love (very Catholic looking – hey if you interlock those candles and jam them up to my throat, you’ve got the Feast of St. Blaise, truly one of the odder things I experienced while doing time in Catholic school as a youth for a still yet undisclosed crime).  The candles have lovely flowers near their base, about the only non-weird thing here.  As you visually scan between the candles and flowers and toward the middle of the alter, there is a black pyramid.  It looks like a small architect’s model of the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas.  Hell if I know what is the significance of that pyramid.  Continuing, above the pyramid and hanging on the wall above the alter, are individual head shots of each D in the Double D couplet.  And each picture is in something like a ring, and the rings interlock.  Awww, how sweet!  They died driving to the mall while they were still in high school!   
   
How did we get here?  It was a nice damn day in DC and the next thing you know, I’m spreading rumors about a high schooler who died driving too fast and who Jan and Dean wrote a very famous song about called Dead Man’s Curve.  See?  It always comes back to the music, man!  That’s what this blog is all about, after all.

Ok, with that I urge you to avoid becoming so famous that you are hounded by paparazzi while hauling ass through Paris with your boyfriend.  I don’t ever, ever want to have to write a blog post about the cheesy and outright weird shrine about you under the escalator in a no-man’s land part of Harrod’s.  After all, the food courts are super nice and gorgeous and full of great stuff, and if you go to Harrod’s, that’s where you should really spend your time.  Chow, babies, love you so much it makes my cheeks hurt from smiling.