Guitar Heaven

Hey, welcome back you, where the heck have you been?  I’ve been right here waiting for you, and man, am I glad you are back.  In fact, I was hoping, shhh, keep it down, that you might help me, you know, bust out of this place.  Are you in?  My accomplice?  Yes, I knew I could count on you.  Let’s get out of here and go to … Guitar Center.

Do you know this store?  Recently, I was out at what is called my Favorite Shopping Center (FSC) by my family.  Costco is my favorite store, but they are stand alone and not in “centers” per se.  Anyway, I’m at FSC, which is the big box store hangout near Plymouth Meeting off of the Blue Route and Chemical Road, and I decided not to accompany my companion into Ulta.  I was already stocked up on makeup and perfume.  Plus, you see, I spied a Guitar Center across the parking lot.  I had never been in one of these stores, but have seen it many times at FSC, and I was curious.  Off I went.

Now, as much as I love the guitar, I have no musical abilities myself.  (I do look super cool with a guitar slung in front of my body, mind you, but that about covers it for me and guitars.)  So I’m a bit intimidated heading into the place because I figured some sales dude with the as-yet unknown guitar chops of Jack White is going to spot me and embarrass me about 10 seconds after I walk in.  Well, I shouldn’t have been so concerned because I learned that I give off the “I can’t play a damn thing on any instrument, don’t waste your time on me” vibe so strong that no one, and I mean no one, came close to me.

But the place was cool.  Yes, they have lots of guitars in there, which is I guess why they ingeniously named the place Guitar Center.  And I learned that some of those puppies cost some serious bucks.  Take a look at these pictures of walls of guitars and understand that I didn’t get them all – they have walls like this for electrics, basses, acoustics, and sitars.  No, not sitars, but all of the others, I promise. 

And then there is a ton of other stuff.  Drums?  You betcha, lots of them.  Kick drums, tom toms, snares, floor toms, the whole shebang.  An entire room devoted just to cymbals, and if you think guitars are expensive, and they are, those cymbal bad boys will set you back, let me tell you.  Here are the cymbals.

 
Synthesizers?  Yes, many of them with all kinds of switches and slides that produce all kinds of cool sounds that resulted in things like A Flock of Seagulls entire catalog.  (Did throw up just come up your throat?  I’m sorry about that, but just to let you in on a secret – you weren’t alone).  Check out this picture of  A Flock of Seagulls, hahahaha:

What about DJ equipment?  Yes, an amazing amount, including light gear and other things that make you think, hmmm, I could be like Avicii and make millions and tour the world and I don’t even have to know how to play an instrument!  The lazy man’s route to rock stardom!  Whoa, stop, back to reality, that stuff costs serious money and Avicii actually has talent unlike, say, me.

What else did they have?  Lots and lots of sheet music.  They had rock stuff, like the Ramones, which was basically the same three chords played differently throughout the entire book.  They had pop stuff, such as Michael Jackson and the like.  And they had stuff that sucks, like Supertramp’s songbook.  But that was in the bathroom and used in lieu of Charmin ultra soft, proving that the dudes at Guitar Center truly are freakin’ cool and smart.  Anyway, they had a lot of sheet music.

Wow, I really admire your stamina.  Thanks for reading this far about me killing 20 minutes at FSC avoiding Ulta.  You are truly amazing, and I’m going to invite you to my first DJ gig (complete with light show) shortly. 

I’ll be back to the real music shortly.  I promise.  Until we meet again, remember, you always have a home at BRP.  It’s in the cloud.